Mom was fine until she wasn't...

Aging parents often do well living on their own in their homes. Perhaps they still garden, take care of the yard, and get along well with their lives. Then one day, Dad passed away. Mom may live on her own for years and be just fine after that.

Then suddenly, she has a fall. At first, no one thinks much about an isolated incident. Then it happens again, and then again. Suddenly, Mom's in the hospital getting a hip replacement.

Many families face a pivotal moment when a crisis hits. It's often sudden.

Before Mom leaves the hospital, doctors tell her adult kids she can't go home by herself. Someone must stay with her. She may heal and be well, but somewhere down the line, she has another incident, and it becomes obvious Mom can't live on her own any longer.

The crisis mode comes when a family must make a decision very fast. Mom was fine yesterday, she's not today.

Even when you suspect it's coming, many adult kids never want to think that the person who took care of them as a kid and has been there their entire life isn't able to take care of themselves. Now, they need you to help or make decisions on their behalf.

This is a highly emotional and taxing time for the entire family.

There can be a lot of different emotions family members encounter, and each one may experience different ones independent of others. There's raw anger, denial Mom is in the condition the doctor tells them she's in, or despair.

Still, it doesn't take long for many people to realize they don't have much control over the situation.

At this point, the chief overall concern is finding Mom the best care she can get.

This is typically when a Case Manager enters the conversation with the family. It can be an intense time. The Case Manager needs to be an intent listener and listen for the specific goals the family has for their Mom.

In doing so, it's important to recognize which adult child is bearing the most burden and has the most responsibility. Believe it or not, this person could be in their 60s, 70s, or even 80s. Most times it's a female who's been responsible to help Mom go to the doctor, getting her prescriptions, ensuring she's fed, taking her to various appointments, and making sure she isn't lonely.

The burden on this person is heavy. While Mom's care is the root of the crisis, often family squabbles become the crisis when siblings don't agree with the one who carries the most burden. The more kids there are, the more the Case Manager has to try to make everyone happy.

- Doug Myrick